Neverending Circle

Oh where do I even begin to try to comprehend this never ending circle of pain and grief that I am in. It seems im forever doomed to be hurt and lonely, it starts simply by trying to get to know someone that seems unique. There are no intentions of anything else but then something happens along the way that you cant explain this person makes you feel things you can not explain. And as much as you may not want to fall for them as much as you know it may never work you still end up putting yourself out there just on the chance that maybe it could happen. Then comes the part where you are with this person and everything is great and amazing you couldnt really ask for more. But all of a sudden out of no where they throw you to the wayside like a piece of trash that is left to just blow away into the wind. This has happened to me twice now and it never gets easier to deal with sure time takes some of the sting away as it does with everything but its never really gone for good. Both times I was told it was nothing I did that i was great and awesome and gave everything that was expected. Well how does that do anything but make it harder to accept. If someone is perfect or amazing and does everything the right way and cant keep it going then how am I suppose to ever believe that I will be anything but a failure. You know it would be one thing if it was because it was best because they had someone there that is understandable but when its for nothing it really just creates such emptiness. Yes I know its so much easier when you can physically touch someone duh of course it is, but when that isnt possible becuase you have to live a constant lie of a life then emotional is all you can have for now. When did having nothing and being lonely become better than having someone that you know is there for you at least on an emotional level. So now a lay here and think back to just a few days ago where it seems that I lost not only someone I love but also a great friend and I dont even know what to do or think about it at all. Of course everyone else seems to always have the answers its easy for them to throw out advice or critisim but until they live your life or in your shoes then they have no idea what the answers are. Yes i cant lie I have had thoughts of ending it all I mean when you feel like there is nothing out there for you whats the point. But yet im still here tryin to forget about the pain and lose the feelings for the ones that hurt me because I know that they will never love me the way that I loved them. So now I sit and as much as i dont want it to ever happen again I just wait for the circle to start all over.