Monday, May 12, 2008
Alone
Why is it that my life is doomed to be sad and depressing. Why is it that it seems my path is already set and that nothing I can do will get me off the course that i am headed for. Is it so bad that all i want is to be loved is it so bad that i just want to fall asleep knowing someone is there for me. I have had a few of those nights that i can fall asleep thinking about someone that I know is thinking about me. But I've had way more nights like tonight. Where i just lay here and think about how pathetic my life is and how I'm basically all alone in this world with no where to turn. Sure I have friends, sure there are a few people out there who actually care. But even some of them that are there for you it seems tend to just fade away after they get bored with your company, I have seen this all to much. Regardless of whether or not I believe in true love or if there is a person out there for me one thing is for sure. I have so much love to give, so much love to share so many hopes and dreams yet everywhere i turn there is just more empty walls and empty space. I've had to grow up fast in my life and maybe I'm looking for more than i should being just 15 but its what i long for its what i feel inside. I'm tired of falling for people that either act like they care only to find out they haven't or ones who tell you just what u want to hear to try and get something out of you. And lately I find myself finding that all the amazing guys are taking by equally amazing ones. Why do i fall for either taken guys or assholes, I guess its just all part of the path that has been assigned to me. So my loneliness not only once again get me down but it consumes me and controls all of my emotions.
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3 comments:
callum, i love you.
stop being sad.
here's a smile :)
I luv ya too callum!
The perfectly-perfect guy for you is already out here, just waiting for you to find him.
Trust me. He's already born, and he's probably sitting in his room feeling exactly as you did when you posted this. Or he's suffering thru another bummer practice-boyfriend.
You just havent found each other yet. But you will.
I believe in fate real strongly, and I think these things happen when they are supposed to, and not always as soon as we want them to.
Just gotta keep yourself open and keep yourself believing.
Faith.
He's out there.
You just haven't found each other yet.
I love you.
Hello Callum,
There are no words of wisdom that can ever take away the feelings that you describe in your "Alone" blog.
To say that your feelings escape no one person at some point in their life could never bring you any consolation.
The words I would like to put into your thoughts are these.. Your own words...
"I have so much love to give, so much love to share, so many hopes and dreams"
You sound like a very special young man with so much to give. Take your time, and make sure you give to someone deserving, and not just to someone wanting.
I understand the hurry that you feel to find that special someone. We are all in a hurry for that happiness, the closeness, the love. Many times we rush into a relationship out of that feeling of need, of necessity.
Slow down, take control of your own emotions, take charge of your friendships, and choose your paths a bit more wisely.
Relationships are built over time. First you must set your foundation and then build upon it. You have found out that these online relationships are only made out of desperation, and yes, necessity at times. There is no way to even start with a foundation because there is nothing solid to begin with.
Online friends are cool, but online relationships, at your age, with so much distance and so little reason to really trust are destined for the sadness and depression that you write about.
In an earlier blog you wrote that you found a real life bf, someone to see face to face, to touch, to feel. How do online relations compare?
Can you even find a way to measure the differences? A tender embrace vs. a {{HUG}} of a keystroke. A warm smile as you look into his eyes vs. ;o)
It is difficult, this love thing. Age makes no difference, it's difficult! Gay or Straight..it's difficult.
Don't be in a rush. Enjoy your friendships, have fun in real life and not so much in cyber life.
When the time is right, love will find you...you won't have to go looking for it.
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