My Life in a nutshell

So basically in here today a little lost and confused, I don't really know which way I'm heading. I feel like a piece of taffy being pulled all different directions. My emotions are definitely getting the best of me which is nothing new. I know people think I am an over emotional train wreck and that maybe the case but i can promise you that all my emotions as crazy as they may seem sometimes are all real. Sure I do have a temper and it gets the best of me sometimes but it is something I'm working on. But alot of people don't understand my situation my life basically. If you know me online and knew me in real life you wouldn't believe I'm the same person. In my real life i am this calm cool laid back quiet guy. I basically have to live a lie i am constantly on a stage and i must be quiet and reserved because i don't want to draw attention to myself and give people the idea that I may be gay. So when i do get to be myself online i have all of these emotions bottled up from the day and it does lead me to over react sometimes. But i take all of the relationships I have online serious its not a game to me i treat people as my friends because that's what they are to me. And when i tell someone that I love them well I damn sure mean it to some its all a joke to me its not. I have so much love that i want to share with people and meet someone to love with all my heart. People say Internet relationships are doomed from the start and that may be true but when its all you got why not at least try. When someone else can tell me what its like to not only have to lead a fake life 24/7 but also have a father that no longer looks you in the eye and to never hear the words I love you from a parents mouth or maybe a mother who shuns your very existence. Then tell me it is stupid to look for someone to love else where. When did it become wrong to just want to be loved.